.06.

The weekend of busy busy party-ness/workafuckinlot-athon is in full effect!

Thursday had required me to come into work at 9am (unheard of!) and be on my feet all day. I learned that hammers are not my friends and the valuable lesson of why a person cannot jump out of a very very tall building and be ok. The person jumping out is like my thumb after I just whacked it really hard with the hammer. A soft-skinned mass of flesh filled with blood (I got a blood blister from whacking it). Jumping, is like dropping the hammer down on this thumb the second time for the day. The result? My thumb's insides splattered across the table, much like your insides will if you jump out the building.

This has been a lesson in stating the obvious.

So anyways, after checking out my piercer's shop to drop off more silkscreened sweaters, I headed back into Manhattan to meet up with Josh and go to my favorite Thursday night ritual, 2x4. After he bought me a burger from Paul's - the best fucking burger in all of NYC for serious - we ended up trying to push his limits as a "lightweight" by serving him up a red bull with vodka, oj and vodka, a shot of Goldshlager (a liquor with flecks of gold leaf floating around in it that has an aftertaste of having chewed a huge wad of Big Red) and then a couple cans of PBR. And he calls himself a 6 cans of Guiness a night lightweight. If you think that wasn't very much, you obviously have never had my lovely friend Nikki make you drink. 2x4 ain't nothin' without her bartending.

But as all fun nights go, early into the night I started that whole menstruating thing and I knew I had enough time to finish my can of beer and stumble home before the awful cramps kicked in. So I did just that.

Friday has been helping out my friend get rid of the 500lbs of paper that currently occupies her apartment. As a teacher and writer and fellow packrack, she never let anything go, even if she had it backed up on disk or another 6 copies tossed away into another drawer. So it was my task to go through it all, throw out the unimportant stuff, set limits to how many sentimental items she should keep (I assigned her one very large drawer) and got not one single paper cut while doing it. Since her boyfriend is moving in next Friday, I also made a plan on how to rearrange her apartment to make space for his stuff, tetris style. I love OCD organization and interior design. I love playing tetris with large pieces of furniture.

And if anyone wants a sort of china cabinet-turned-bookcase with awesome claw feet made entirely of a heavy, dark and beautiful wood, you should speak now since she's about to toss it in the next few weeks and it's too gorgeous to let it just sit on the streets and rot.

After a full day of laboring over that, I came home, bought liquor for my roommates' birthday bash and then had to drag my very tired ass to Williamsburg to celebrate my friend Poingly's birthday bash. Unfortunately, my friend from earlier had given me one of her migraine pills that contained caffeine, tylenol and barbituates and they crossed with my brain chemicals to result in severe lethargy and depression. By 10pm I was ready for bed, but I hadn't even left for Brooklyn.
Josh came to my rescue to accompany me to the party, since while I know and enjoy Poingly's friends, I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle all the people who I haven't seen in about a year and the awkwardness that sometimes comes of it while I was so depressed. Mind you, it was a complete chemical thing. I was aware of this.

The way I described it to my roommates - who asked why I looked so glum - as to how I knew it's all just the pill from earlier was that, my life is awesome. I'm aware of its awesomeness. A year ago I never wanted to wake up and now I'm so afraid of not waking up that I can hardly get to sleep. Because I don't want it to stop, I don't want to miss out on everything good that's going on now and that's just going to improve by a hundred fold as time goes on. I've got the man that I love and who loves me back. And we both mean it. I have a small circle of friends who care about me deeply and who treat me like gold and it's not because I'm fucking them or that I might fuck them in the future. It's such a big change and it thrills me to no end.

But brain chemicals are weird and can make you lose sight of it.

Being on the rag doesn't help either.

So I got to the bar where the party was at, but I barely spoke to anyone and clung to Josh's side being stupid and mopey and the one beer I had was making way too drunk than it should've so I decided to just up and leave. I walked home from 1st ave and 14th street, which made me feel a little better.

I adore walking in the rain when it's dark out and muggy and humid. It reminds me of Florida and it always feels like home. It's such a comfort thing, even if the flesh is sticky and moist in the bad way. But it makes me feel like I'm wrapped in a security blanket and that everything is just completely right.

So I walked all the way home and up the stairs and contemplated sitting up on the rooftop in a puddle on the tables, but I was still in a slightly bad mood and being alone risked pushing me to a darker place. I went inside, ignored all the people still around and talked to my exboyfriend Pat on the computer for a couple hours, as he'd just returned from several weeks away in Japan. Oh the adventures he had there! It got my mind off a lot of things I've been worrying about and let me finally pass out in a sweaty pool on my bed.

And so, if you made it to this portion, that brings us to Saturday. Where I must work until 7pm and then will close up the shop on my own before walking home in yet still more humidity and rain and then contemplate going to Brooklyn or trying to get some rest. I'm just exhausted from running around since Tuesday and doing actual physical labor and not getting home until 8pm from when I left in the morning, then having to go out til after midnight and then to just wake up again that it might not be worth it.

But my friend said she really wanted me to be there. And I'm a sucker for someone who actually wants me around. Plus another friend of mine expressed interest in going, since he had classes with someone who'll be there and he'd love to get to hang out and catch up with him. So let's see how selfless I end up being tonight...