.33.

So I worked at the NYC Comic Con today.

An artist in the booth next to me said: "When your back-up job takes up all of your time and energy, it becomes your career."

and

"You're only as good as the last thing you've done."

The last thing I've done? Worked for a company that earns me enough money to live, but not to save up. And spent all my time since GenCon drinking and partying. I feel like I'm not an artist, but just someone who should get used to having a day job and to just stop pretending.

I am being a little hard on myself.

I got around to printing up my t-shirt designs. And sales for that have gone alright. I haven't made back the money I put into it, nor have I received new orders since the $12 sale, but at least I sold a few. I did a lot of graphic design projects for cash. And I have a couple things lined up, as well as dropped other projects that would've steered me the wrong way.
I'm on a week of sobriety due to a combo sinus/urinary tract infection that requires some hardcore antibiotics. But I'm really afraid of lapsing. Especially since my friends ALWAYS find a reason to party. And I feel terrible ditching them. There's this huge fear that if I'm not always around, then I'll be forgotten and replaced. Which isn't something that should bother me, but it does.

So I guess the big dilemma that has always been around, that I've always been hiding from with more and more alcohol, is starting to show itself again now that the haze has dissipated. I just wish I could get some support in this. But all my local friends drink. My boyfriend drinks. And they all just bring it around me and guilt me for not partying with them. It sucks. And what's worse, is that now that I'm motivated, I haven't the time to work on what I want. I'll be busy until March 10th. It's not even March yet!

Well, with any luck, I'll figure out this balance.

I know that I've been slacking off. It even shows in the work that I'm proud of having created before. I know that I can be so much better if I just put forth the effort. And I'll have to decide if I'm willing to do that for my future career. Because if not, then I may as well give away my art supplies and dismantle the website. If this isn't done one-hundred percent, it shouldn't be done at all...