#something

And so I return after a long time away.

But not really away, just so you know.

I'm exhausted and delirious and on the verge of a nervous breakdown because... I'm not sure why.

Here are the elements:
I decided to curate my first group show at the gallery that I work at. Herding artists is the worst job in the world and this is why I will never run my own gallery and - possibly - ever curate again. Today was the "hanging", which means that a good eight people did not show up with work, while ten people earned their gold stars or red wings or something by actually showing up with a piece.
My own piece for the show is unfinished and I'm not sure that I like where it is going. Part of the problem being that I'm only viewing it under a terrible yellow incandescent bulb and I might not be seeing the colors properly. I have until Saturday morning to get it together, on top of getting this show in order.
I have yet to gather all the artists' bios and art information. Hell, a few artists I don't even know what size they're working in or what their pieces look like.
With this show, I'm so nervous about people judging the work poorly and in turn, judging me poorly. This includes people whose opinions I care about and those whom I do not. I want to be the arrogant artist type who thinks that everything I do is a chunk of gold instead of possibly a lump of shit. But really, it's not me.
Working on this has seriously strained my relationship and that makes me intensely depressed. Because I like my relationship and I don't like questioning its stability during a rough spot.

So it all comes down to that I'm doing a lot of work right now and getting sloppy, I'm annoyed at having to sit around in an empty gallery for hours on end freaking out about how this show is going to go when I could be working on my own artwork and I care too much about the opinions of other people when really, I should only care about my own.

I tattooed the word "narcissist" on my head for a reason. I should really check myself.

So, yea, stressed without the sleep I need. Exhausted from a long day. Cranky because of other people. Wanting to work but unable to move my legs. I need to stand to paint.

And I really wish that I hadn't been too depressed to ask my boyfriend to make me dinner because I could really use the hamburger he offered to cook me.

I bring this on myself.